Sunday, December 05, 2004
&perhaps;
to whom it may concern,
i guess you were right. prevention is better than cure. it's always better to stay away from sth, instead of saying you can handle it with your own judgment.
so that pretty much sums up what i have to say.
admittedly, i should have listened to you, and stayed away, but no, i didn't. so now, i guess i can follow in his footsteps then. let it be that way. i share his sentiments, that alot of things in the ministry is screwed up. i agree. wholeheartedly. you may say people aren't perfect. but i'm not asking for perfection, i'm asking for the best you have to offer. if your heart's not in the right place, then get lost. you're only making things worse, and believe me, we could all do without that. there's only one other sp in my section i view capable. it's not because we went through the courses or whatever. it's because we care for the people under us. we care for their lives. we care if they backslide if we don't call them. we call them and inform them about cell irregardless of our personal rifts with them. we do it, because we know we have to, and we love God, thus we love His people. but the others? where are the leaders among leaders?
what happened to the trio of guys in sec2 who where originally commissioned? only one is left. one left church, the other could care if someone backslided cos his life is more important than anything else, yet, he's a leader in youth camp. so tell me that pastors see our hearts to serve, not our skills. and i'll say, you have a heart, just think about where it is.
i'm not going to be accepting, accomodating anymore. i'm going to fuse Godly anger, with human wrath and rage - the whirl of emotions in my mind - and corrupt it. destroy the values in me, and yes, let me become the next person everyone hates. but i'll learn from mistakes, you're not going to get me out, cos i won't make any mistakes. i'll stick by the rules - rules which our ministry set down.
sorry i'm changing, or have already changed. i know you didn't want things to end up this way. it's not your fault, it's the circumstances around me. you said i always had a choice, to let it affect me, or not. well, i have to get affected, i have to do something right. perhaps my noble dream crashed and fused with something not right. i wonder, can i change who i am now? we'll see.
who should i go into youth camp as? isaac, or someone else who i shall not name? i'm deciding. but if i do go into camp not myself, then too bad.
hell froze over at 7:30 PM
___________________________[[blown your mind]]_____
